Healing is a process
"Sometimes being alone with ourselves is the most vulnerable place to be".
I wrote this statement in my journal as I was reflecting on my meditation practice. I call it a practice because some days I suck at it. Those are the days I cannot drop into my body and open my heart, the days the thoughts continue to race through my head, and the never ending to do list takes priority over sitting and enjoying a moment of peace and calm. Those are the days I need my meditation practice the most. Those are the days that I struggle to sit with my thoughts, experience discomfort, and open myself to all the feels.
My meditation practice has created a space in my life for calm, clarity, and healing to happen. It’s something I can do formally on my cushion, in the spot in my room that has been created as a safe space to pause and just be. It’s also something that I am learning to tap into at a moments notice, as I am becoming aware of how I am feeling, and learning to drop in to this practice, to embrace the serenity of the moment.
Why do I meditate? Well, because I am healing. This isn’t the put a bandaid on it type of healing. This is the deep down emotional healing. The process of acknowledging what is, allowing thoughts and emotions to come and go, processing experiences, and accepting without expectation. This is a lifelong process. A daily commitment to myself to become the best version of myself and to live as my most authentic me. This isn’t a linear process. This isn’t something that happens overnight. It’s a journey with winding roads full of unexpected twists and turns.
Some days I want to manage the hurt, the emotions, and keep everything tucked away in a little box with a cute bow. While this sounds a lot easier, it is only a short term solution, as the hurt, the emotions, they will find their way out of the box. They might slowly trickle out, or it might be like a jack-in-the-box appearing out of nowhere. So for now, I’ll choose to be alone with myself and my thoughts, embracing the discomfort and exploring all that is within, in hopes to take one more step forward on my path toward healing.
